![]() ![]() Jeffery Rosenberg: A werewolf? Really? Are you sure? Dr. ![]() Jeffery Rosenberg: The second way to kill a vampire, Count three silver bullets through the heart! Cindy Soundheim: Jeffrey-! Count Dracula: No, Rosenberg, that is a werewolf. Count Dracula: So how can you think of yourself as nothing, when I love you? Lieutenant Ferguson: A loan shark, eh? What's 's name.Ĭount Dracula: Do you think of me as special? Cindy Sondheim: Yes, of course. Jeffrey Rosenberg, and I want to talk to you about a man who sucks the blood out of people. Cindy Sondheim: A rooster? In New York City?Ĭindy Sondheim: We can go to bed, maybe get in a little 'quickie'. Count Dracula: Now you do.Ĭount Dracula: I heard a rooster crow. Jeffery Rosenberg: Huh? Ah shit! It's the other one, isn't it?Ĭindy Sondheim: Very cute! I told you I have got a man in here. Jeffery Rosenberg: Well, Count, what do you say to that? Count Dracula: I would say, leave Cindy alone and find yourself a nice Jewish girl, Doctor! Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg: Another fly by night character.ĭr. Jeffery Rosenberg: Where is he? Cindy Sondheim: He'll be here. Jeffery Rosenberg: Dracula! Cindy Soundheim: How did you know his name?ĭr. Jeffery Rosenberg: No! It can't be! Cindy Soundheim: What, Jeffrey? Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg: No! Cindy Soundheim: What? Dr. Count Dracula: Fun? How would you like to go around looking like a head waiter for 700 years?Ĭindy Sondheim: Can I get you anything? Count Dracula: A broom, perhaps? Cindy Sondheim: Eh? Oh, I hate housework. Cindy's Modeling Agent: Or what? You'll eat your lunch in my office? Renfield: No-o-o, my lunch will eat you. Renfield: You have 30 seconds to tell me where Miss Sondheim is, or. Count Dracula: This is not the lobby of the Plaza Hotel? And ain't no way, no how, nobody's going to bring you back here once you is dead! Count Dracula: Good Evening. Because, brothers and sisters, when you is gone, you is gone. Reverend Mike: I showed him how God wanted him to have a swell time while he was alive. I know, because he left it to me, Hallelujah! : Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! etc. Reverend Mike: But must of all, he loved his Cadillac Saville, and it's a beaute. : Yeah! And my wife, too! Yes, he did! Sure did! etc. Reverend Mike: He loved his booze, hahahaha. and he was a swinger! : Yes! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Alleluia! etc. Oh, why don't you bring a nice juicy mouse for little Salome here? Renfield: Could I have one, too? and kicking? Lady on plane with Cat: I'll have the Chicken Kiev, miss. I bit your mother,, and your grandmother.Īir Stewardess: Pardon me, would you like Chicken Kiev Chateaubriand or Veal Cutlet Florentine for lunch? Renfield: Everything you mentioned is dead. What's a toilet?Īlexei Rugalov: You dirty bat! You bit my mother! Count Dracula: What is your name? Rugalov: Alexei. Renfield: Yes, master? Count Dracula: What is an efficiency apartment? Renfield: I don't know, master. By Romanian law, that makes it ours.Ĭommissare Woman: Either you spend the rest of your life in an efficiency apartment with seven dissidents and one toilet, or you gather your aristocratic shit together and split. ![]() cockroach-eating friend over there, have 48 hours to get out! Good evening, Comrade Count! Count Dracula: Wait one minute. Count Dracula: How do you know? Renfield: They're wearing shoes.Ĭommissare Woman: You, and your. Renfield: I think they're from the government. Renfield: Master, please be careful! Count Dracula: What is it? Renfield: You nearly stepped on my dinner! Count Dracula: Forgive me. : Black mourner: Alvin - I told you to go find your roots, but who told you to drink the water?ĭialogue Count Dracula: Renfield! Renfield! Renfield: Yes, Master! Count Dracula: How many times do I have to tell you: body temperature!.This is a perfect example of a man taking charge of his own life.In the name of all the Van Helsings who have ever lived.Every now and then it sure helps to have a patient doing five to ten for breaking and entering.You know what Freud said: if you don't pay for it, you don't get better.: So that's where you've been for the last two days, and I thought you were lost, you little devil.Do you know how many women had nervous breakdowns in the fourteenth century? Two. Ah, Cindy Sondheim, you should have lived in an earlier age.I never drink wine, and I do not smoke shit.What was that maniac drinking? Tastes like the Volga river at low tide!.What is this? "Copyright 1923"? Renfield, you bumbling moron, this book is as out of date as.Without me, Transylvania will be as exciting as Bucharest.He never kills for sport, only what is needed. You see? Even a child knows! The wolf is a very misunderstood creature. ![]()
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